Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Ask Daddy WARbucks to Enlist


Another millionaire is cheering on the war in Iraq while refusing to fight in it. Why are we surprised?

This time, the hypocrite is Oakland Athletics pitcher Barry Zito, a perfectly healthy 27 year old male, self-professed conservative Republican and Bush campaign contributor.

In an apparent attempt to out-Republican fellow pitcher Curt Schilling, Zito has created a foundation that donates $100 for each strikeout he throws to wounded soldiers and their visiting family members. His site has a darling little graphic that shows a saluting soldier - one who doesn't appear to be maimed from serving in the war that Zito supports - with the caption, "This site is dedicated to the brave men and women who serve in the Armed Forces around the world". Note that this group of brave individuals does not include Mr. Zito himself, although he'll gladly throw a hundred bucks their way for their blasted limbs, burned bodies, and broken lives. Isn't that dandy? Let me repeat - Zito won't fight in this war, but our modern-day Daddy WARbucks will throw a hundred bucks per strikeout to those who have lost limbs because his favorite president sent them into battle without armoured vehicles.

There's something so patronizing, so repulsive, about this millionaire chickenhawk throwing C notes at the poor slobs whose families are too impoverished to visit them at Walter Reed (which, by the way, his favorite administration is planning to close in wartime) that you're almost at a loss for words. Daddy WARbucks, unfortunately, is seldom at a loss for words as he shamelessly parades himself as a mega-American who's not only richer than anyone else but much, much more patriotic.

Zito, who sounds about as bright as infield dirt, has been promoting himself and his foundation with his right-wing friends, including Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly and the felonious Oliver North, and recently babbled the following nonsense to the L.A. Daily News: "With so much negative connotation about the war, people kind of forget we still have guys that are supporting us with their lives on the line. I'm just trying to rally baseball behind the troops, and I think America will eventually start to rally behind the troops a little bit more."

Barry, people who oppose this criminal war haven't "kind of forgotten" about our troops - we're trying to get them home safely. And it's a typical right-wing mindset that Zito thinks the public should rally around the troops "a little bit more", as if only these fake uber-patriots know how to rally around our military members who, I remind him again, are getting limbs blasted off due to the utter incompetence of the president he donated two thousand bucks to last year.

Zito's nauseating self-promotion continued during the Athletics' recent road trip to Washington, DC. The San Francisco Chronicle this morning has a stomach-churning article about Zito's "I'm more American than you are" whirl through Washington, complete with macabre excitement over the sight of military tombstones and more 9/11 grave-dancing:


Last week, while the A's were in Washington, pitcher Barry Zito was thrilled to combine two of his major interests: photography and patriotism.

So when he was offered a private visit of Arlington National Cemetery during the A's series against the Nationals, he grabbed his camera and took a tour with longtime Arlington Cemetery historian Tom Sherlock.

"It's just insane, seeing endless acres of headstones,'' Zito said. "It gave me chills, seeing fields and fields of people who have given their lives for our country.''

His tour of the cemetery began at the caisson stables, where the horses are kept for drawing flag-draped coffins.

"I was a little taken aback that I was at a barn,'' Zito said, "but that's where they first explained how meticulous they are about everything, cleaning everything and taking care of the (saddle) leather. There is such attention to detail.''

Among the many other memorials on the grounds, Zito took special note of the one for the 184 American victims of the Sept. 11, 2001, attack on the Pentagon, which is in the shape of the Pentagon and is in an area of the cemetery overlooking the Pentagon complex.
Zito, who previously has had photos published in Sports Illustrated, found so much to photograph and was so moved by the experience, he plans to return in August, when the team is in Baltimore.

"I'm going to get a hotel room in D.C. and drive back,'' he said. "It would be cool to do this again
.''

You know what would be really, really "cool", Barry? If you'd put your big uber-patriotic trap where your wallet is and enlist in the fucking Army (see "Why Don't Young Republicans Enlist?" below). At least you might earn the kind of respect Pat Tillman rightfully earned by walking away from the money and the fame and following his conscience - even though it got him killed, and his death was used as a propaganda tool for your beloved adminstration. Perhaps Daddy WARbucks should give up his millions and actually serve in this war he supports and that he voted for. Perhaps we should encourage him to do so.

You can download DD Form 4/1 , which Mr. Zito can fill out to enlist in the Army, in .pdf format here. Fill in his name - you can either use Barry Zito or Daddy WARbucks - and mail it to Barry at this address:

Barry Zito
c/o Oakland Athletics
Oakland Alameda County Coliseum
7677 Oakport Street
2nd Floor
Oakland, CA 94621

If you're sick of these young Republican hypocrites who let others do the fighting and dying for a war they support and cheerlead for, be sure to let us know that you've sent Barry his DD 4/1. We'll keep a running total of enlistment forms sent to Zito on this site.

Californians have paid the highest price for this war based on lies and deception with the highest mortality rate in the country of sons, daughters, husbands and wives slaughtered needlessly in Iraq. Perhaps Californians should pay Mr. Zito a visit at the Coliseum the next time he pitches at home to remind him of his cowardice in refusing to enlist. We'll post a schedule of Mr. Zito's appearances in Oakland, as well as colorful artwork you can download and take to the game, in the days ahead. Meanwhile, let's get Daddy WARbucks in uniform and get those enlistment papers in the mail.



2 Comments:

Blogger Flippy said...

I'll give Barry Zito a hundred bucks for every grenade he tosses in Iraq that hits its target. I hope he starts practicing because we need some of them patriotic baseball sureshots. He can take Curt Schilling with him. Aw, and what the hell, they could use another couple of good arms - Kurt Warner & Matt Hasselbeck should be supporting the troops by standing right there next to them in the desert too. Mmmm, MLB and the NFL, all-American, like apple pie and blowing shit up in other people's countries.

1:41 AM  
Blogger Stewing said...

I'm going to download the enlistment form, make copies, and pay some kids 20 bucks to put them under the windshield of every SUV with a Support the Troops magnet.

Of course, Cheney & the other Nazis don't really want enlistees. They want to privatize the military and get rich on our dime.. again.

12:44 PM  

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