Thursday, July 14, 2005

To Whom It May Concern

The last couple of months have seen the rise of issues that have engaged those on the left of the political process - the Downing Street Minutes, the O'Connor retirement, and Rove's treasonous leaking of Valerie Plame's identity to at least one reporter. Big stuff.

As a result, my email has been flooded recently with entreaties from politicians and political groups whose mailing lists I've joined (and several from lists I haven't joined, such as a creepy blurb I received yesterday from the Clinton Foundation), and there's a common thread to almost all of them. They ask for two things:

1. Sign a petition, and
2. Give money for the "big fights" ahead

If there's any vehicle more ineffective in making an impression on our thuggish GOP ubermeisters than a petition I'm unaware of its existence. Imagine, if you will, the laughter and scorn a delivered petition earns from the likes of Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, Andy Card, Scooter Libby or Karl Rove. These are people who have abused our voting rights, and we think petitions are going to have some kind of impact? Dream on. It's a waste of time and effort. Yet, in the face of the abuse of public trust and outrages committed daily against our democracy, all we're asked to do is sign endless petitions destined to be delivered to people who don't give a shit.

The funding requests often do little more than provide salaries for the petition senders, depending on the group. MoveOn, at least, runs ad campaigns with their funding so I always throw them a few bucks. DFA conducts grassroots activist training seminars, so they get a few bucks. True Majority does fun and creative stuff, like the Pants on Fire vehicle that toured the country last year, so I've given to them.

Some of the beggers seriously annoy me. I answered a plea last year from Kerry to fund a war chest to allow the campaign to investigate any voting irregularities, and then watched him concede the election before the massive numbers of provisional ballets in Ohio - mostly cast in heavily Democratic, African-American wards where the GOP vote suppression tactics were at their peak - were even estimated. This, after he repeatedly assured us that he'd make sure - this time - that "every vote would be counted". Kerry, by the way, is still sitting on millions of dollars he raked in from dumb slobs like myself, although he's recently promised some of it to the DNC.

And he's still asking for money!

I have a better idea for our Democratic leadership and the many organizations that purport to speak for them: screw the petitions, and get your fucking shit together. Here's my generic answer to them:

To Whom It May Concern,

Thank you for your request for funds in exchange for the exciting prospect of signing a petition. I know that President Bush will seriously consider my liberal point of view on Supreme Court Nominations, Bolton, the war in Iraq, war profiteering and the treason committed by his Deputy Chief of Staff (insert laugh track here).

Rather than asking a neoconservative and shill for the religious extremists in this country to consider my point of view, I'd rather have the Democratic party on occasion represent my point of view.

I'll be glad to shovel money your way if you can promise me - with certainty - that senators such as Nelson of Nebraska or Landrieu of Louisiana or Lieberman or Biden won't cave on a radical, pro-corporate, pro-God in every household, anti-choice whackjob Supreme Court nominee. Can you do that? No? Then what fucking good - excuse the language - will draining my bank account do when the battle is lost before it's begun?

Rather than begging George Bush to nominate a moderate for the USSC - an outcome as likely as Jenna turning down a vodka collins - perhaps you should beg our senate Democrats to pull their heads out of their asses and stand for something.

Love 'n Kisses,
SimpChimp

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